Hello, welcome to Maxis. This is Yoke and my life is shit.

If there ever was any cold, hard proof that Darwin's Theory Of Evolution is fucked, THIS is IT. If there ever was proof that deep down inside, God is a bastard with a perverted sense of humour, THIS is IT. In fact, if there ever was proof that there is no God, THIS is IT.

I thought life would be peachy with my new temp job at the Maxis call centre, I mean, I've free internet connection, fun colleagues, a kick-ass supervisor, free internet connection, muted HBO, free internet connection, a taxi to take me home after work, free internet connection (look, I don't have internet connection at home, ok? so back off)...yeah, life would've been peachy...if it wasn't for that shit who sits near my terminal.

His name is...oh who the fuck gives a fucking shit what his name is...lets just call him Sor Hai* (that's Cantonese for "Stupid Cunt" for the less informed), you know, for convenience's sake. He's been fucking up my life since the 2nd day of work by unloading a mountain of shithole questions on my head every single goddamned day. He'll shoot all these questions at me and the moment I'm done answering one, he'll fire the other with rapid succession. It's seriously screwing up my internet time and it's stressing me out everytime I think of coming in to work. Fuck, even my libido has gone down. And everybody knows how long it has been since I last had some, so going by the natural order of things, I should be as horny as a 16 year old getting felt up for the first time. Right about now? I'm only 1 step short of signing up at a convent and becoming a nun. And it's all because of Sor Hai.

To better give you an idea, here's a list of questions he had asked (in no particular order because I can't decide which is the most moronic):

• What kind of house do you live in?
• Do you know that there're 5 different hotels in Sunway?
• Do you have hot water in your shower?
• Why didn't you go to Sunway College instead of IACT?
• Do you know the PentiumV is coming out soon?
• How much is your computer?
• (Upon answering that question) So where did you get the money from?
• Why did you take the night shift? You will miss out on all the evening programmes on TV! (like *GASP* holy shit! Missing my TV programmes!!! I'll never get laid now!!!)
• Where do you see yourself in 3 - 5 years' time?
• Are your Nike shoes real or fake?

To top it off, Sor Hai will also randomly churn out some useless information about himself, that I've no desire of knowing, and shove it up my nose. Below are some of the shit I've to endure, on a daily basis so help me God:

• My parents are now in China, you know.
• I used to have a dog then my mother gave it away.
• It takes me two hours to get to work because I live in Cheras.
• Actually, it only takes 30 minutes by car but because I've to take a bus and the bus goes around KL before coming to Sunway.
• I spent RM12 today for taxi because I miss the bus to work.
• It's hard for me to work the night shift but if I have to, I'll ask my mum to drive me home.
• I have two diplomas, one in Travel and the other in Tourism.
• My glasses are from Emporio Armani. They cost me RM500++
• I had two bowls of noodles, two drinks, and ice-cream for lunch.
• I rented an apartment before but I moved out after 2 days because there was no furniture.

And mind you, he tells me all these things without being prompted. He simply swings his chair around, stare at me with a freaky smile for a couple of minutes, then he'll start. The worse part is, he likes to repeat himself. You know how in those action movies where the good guys are trying to infiltrate the bad guys HQ and they stick a video repeating the same scene over and over into the CCTV so that the security guards won't be aware of their intrusion? Yeah well, my situation is almost similar to said repeating video, except that it features a babbling clown from the depths of Hell. Like where did he learn his conversation skills? Pusat Kiwanis?

Okay, perhaps Sor Hai has had a troubled childhood and his parents never hugged him nor bought him any Ding Dang chocolates from the Roti Man when he was still a whiny, snotty 3 year old; henceforth turning him into a socially inept adult who's never had a girlfriend and wanks to pictures of his highschool teacher. (NOTE: I'm just speculating here. About the Ding Dang chocolates that is.) Perhaps, if people would just give him some time and dare I say, a chance, he just might reveal himself to be an interesting character with a heart of gold.

Whatever. He IS annoying. Just two minutes into a conversation with him (actually, it's more like a monologue because it's all one-sided talking) and I'm quite ready to:

(a) Beat him up
(b) Beat him up
(c) Oh, I don't know, beat him up and kick him down the stairs

It would be quite alright if he just asks a couple of harmless questions or just make small talk by telling me a little about himself. But he doesn't. He'll just go on and on...and on and on...and ON and ON and ON AND ON AND ON AND ON until he's proven himself to be a fucking psychopath. Look buddy, point taken, you're a psychopath. Can you please stop now? Don't do this to me! Especially when I'm fucking sober!

It's almost like he's bloody trying to anally probe me with mind-bending questions and trivia. Thank fuck I'll only be here for another 3 weeks. Any longer than that and I'll be coughing out chunks of my innards due to stress.

Shit...I need more alcohol.




* name has been changed solely for my entertainment