Top 10 Things I Need To Get:

10. A new computer
I can't play Theif III. I WANT to play Theif III. I can't play Doom III. I WANT to play DOOM III.

9. A better job
One more person calling in to ask whether his/ her supplementary line can be under a 016 number, I'll track him/ her down and stuff dead rats in his/ her water supply tank. And this time, if I say "I know where you live"...I DO know where you live, OK?

8. More money
I'm sick of pressing my face against the glass doors at seafood restaurants with a forlorn expression in my eyes whilst happy parents and their sickening fat children tuck into butter-fried prawns and baked crab. Look, if you're fat, you should quit eating! God gave you a low metabolic rate for a reason!

7. More corporate whore outfits
My wardrobe consists of jeans, shirts, T-shirts, more T-shirts, and a whole load of T-shirts. Since I'm no longer in the "Creative Industry" so to speak, I no longer have an excuse to dress like a college punk to work. Besides, if I'm gonna be a whore anyway, I might as well look professional. Which brings me to the next one...

6. A new pair of heels
You know, to go with my corporate whore outfits.

5. More alcohol
One more person calling in to ask whether his/ her supplementary line can be under a 016 number, I'll be drinking kerosene to stay sane...AFTER I stuff dead rats in his/ her water supply tank.

4. A fridge
I want more alcohol! I need more ice cubes and cold fizzies. So there.

3. A van
It's cooler than a car and I can live in it when I can no longer afford to pay my rent.

2. A sugar daddy
With all the shit I've just listed down, I'll need a sugar daddy. And if you're one of those people who think I don't have what it takes...Let me tell you this, motherfucker...I'm planning to get a boob job.

1. Some
I believe I do not need to elucidate further.